The 10D10 Interview Challenge

#4 – Mark Tufo, author

Man… what can I say about Mark that isn’t already in a police report somewhere? Maybe I can talk about his ravishing good looks, strong, handsome beard, or his supple skin? Gosh, where to start?

Mark wrote a metric assload of books about some assclown named Mike Talbot, and wouldn’t ya know, people LOVE them. I mean, yeah, they’re funny, and written really well, and have good editing and covers, so I guess that’s all you need to make it as an indie author.

Mark lives in Maine with his awesome wife, a shitload of bulldogs that run underfoot, and a growing, overpowering fear of germs, and running out of mac and cheese. I consider Mark a good friend, family from another Maam’ily, as it were, and as soon as his restraining order against me expires, I plan on inviting him over for dinner.

Mark’s rolls for this interview were: 8, 4, 1, 8, 7, 1, 3, 9, 8, 6

Enough flirting. Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty.

 

1. Coffee is the best of all beverages: prove me wrong or agree.

This is a debate for some people? How in God’s name do the heathens that don’t drink coffee deal with people?

Praise the bean, brother! And as for the heathens, I think they get their energy from “exercise” and “proper diets.” Fucking weirdos.

2. When you read your positive reviews on Amazon or Goodreads, do you touch yourself?

I’d rather touch you. Seriously I stay away from reviews, positive or negative, because I would either be touching myself or cutting myself, no one has time for all that.

I’d rather touch me too. And no one wants your soft, supple skin cut, Mark. It’d be like slashing a Rembrandt, or a Picasso.

3. Give or take, how many different movies do you think you’ve seen in your lifetime, and do you regret that number, now that you’ve thought about it?

I honestly don’t think I could give a number, it’s a fair amount and no regret, I mean if I hadn’t have been watching movies what else was I going to do besides touching myself? Create world peace maybe?

World peace is overrated, let’s be honest. Besides, how long could it possible last? Two, three hours? Surely someone would cut ahead of someone in a Chick-Fil-A line in Mississippi and it’d be over, just like that.

4. What’s your Achilles heel? Lack of rest? Cheesecake? IBS?

Peanut butter, I effen love peanut butter and the missus makes sure to point out every delectable delight when we go to the store.

Oh man… peanut butter. I had a year or two period where at least one meal per day was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I used to work for this little grocery store called Cricenti’s, and when the owner retired, he told the workers to take what they wanted off the shelves. I went straight to that, and filled an entire shopping cart.

Gained about 20 pounds that year. I think it was my thyroid.

5. What’s harder for you? Mathematics, or cooking? You like to do either or both, or maybe neither?

I love to cook, the only math I like is when I’m counting royalties and I realize I can buy more coffee and rent movies. (see how I’m pulling everything together? Is that too much of telling the story and not showing the story?)

Yeah I think you’re missing an opportunity to draw the readers in there. But hey, you did this in like, five minutes after I asked you to, so my standards are pretty low. And I feel ya on math. Not my strongest skill set, but there are certain kinds of numbers that are far easier to crunch.

6. None of us published our writing to watch it collect bad reviews and low sales, yet here we are. When you set out on your publishing journey, what was it you really wanted to accomplish?

In my fantasy world I think I dream what we all do, to see it hit a screen, at first though it was really a way to wrestle the demons in my head.

Man… head demons, I feel ya. I know a big part of why I threw myself into writing was from the troubles I had with my marriage at the time. The union of holy matrimony didn’t last, but I’ve been cashing royalty checks for years. 

Also, the demons are locked up somewhere, so that’s good too.

7. Are you a sports person? Were you, at least, before the crushing weight of adulthood ruined all that you loved? What sports did you like to play, or watch?

Love sports, football, hockey, baseball, played them all try to watch them all but you know I’ve got that crushing adulthood thing going on and it cuts into my touching time. (too much?)

Just enough touching-talk. Keep at it, your pacing is Grade-A.

And, for those of you who live in New England like we do, Mark is a NY Giants fan, not a Patriots fan, which speaks to either his bravery, or the amount of drugs he takes. Roll the dice on that one.

8. What subject did you most love to learn about in high school or college, and did you manage to use it in your writing?

I actually thoroughly enjoyed philosophy in college and wish I hadn’t been so stoned all the time and maybe more would have soaked in. I do think some tends to bleed into my writing from time to time.

Philosphy is the SHIT, though it really messes with my head when you get into it’s deep water. For me, it was Theology. I took 3 or 4 Theology courses in college because faith fascinates me, and it shows up in the writing all the time.

9. If you could live in any setting based on a science fiction universe, what setting would that be, and why? What about it makes you want to live there?

You know, I’d say a dystopian world, ie the event has already happened and we’re down to a small fraction of the population, but then I realize I like hot showers and sometimes going to restaurants or letting my weakness catch up with me and getting that new peanut butter candy bar.

That’s the stuff about the post-apoc scenario I think most folks don’t think about. Yeah, sure, bashing zombie brains looks like fun, but when your Fromunda Cheese Crotch is hitting oven-Brie consistency, and there’s no hot water or soap anywhere… the pretty picture gets a little ugly.

And how long would we last without decent takeout?  Or peanut butter?

10. There are two dead bodies in the trunk of your car. Who are the first two authors you’re calling to get a hand from?

When can you get up here? And I’m pretty sure John O’Brien would head over.

I’m so there. I’ll bring a barrel full of acid, a hatchet, and a jar of peanut butter.

 

Thanks Mark.

 

Up next week: J.D. Demers!

 

I stole this off Mark’s outdated website:

Mark Tufo was born in Boston Massachusetts. He attended UMASS Amherst where he obtained a BA and later joined the US Marine Corp. He was stationed in Parris Island SC, Twenty Nine Palms CA and Kaneohe Bay Hawaii. After his tour he went into the Human Resources field with a worldwide financial institution and has gone back to college at CTU to complete his masters.

He has wrote the first installment of the Indian Hill trilogy in college, it sat in his garage until July 2009 when he published it on Kindle. He has since written the Zombie Fallout series and is working on a new zombie book.
He lives in Maine with his wife, three kids and two English bulldogs.

Find Mark on Facebook here.

Check out Mark’s library of books here on Amazon. Start with Zombie Fallout One.